Life the Saitoh Fujita Way
by anreg
Summary: A series of 'vignettes' originally written for the 30Romances LJ, that give a glimpse into the private life of Saitou Saitoh Hajime and Saitou Saitoh Tokio. Each of the 30 Romance themes will be a chapter.
1. Chapter 1 Prologue

Prologue for Life the Saitoh/Fujita Way

This is a collection of short 'drabbles' about the Fujitas/Saitohs (Hajime and Tokio) that I originally wrote for Live Journal's 30Romances. Each short story was written for one of the 30 Romances themes, and will be posted as a chapter here on FanFiction after it is first posted to the 30Romances LJ website.

These ficlets may seem to overlap and be somewhat redundant, but my goal was to fulfill the 30Romance requirements, not make a chaptered story with continuity. Each chapter is a 'stand alone' ficlet, although some are related to each other, and appear in a sequence of sorts.

Each of these shorts evolved from a short, two chapter one-shot called, "The First Time I Saw Your Face", that I originally posted here on the Fan Fiction website. It describes my fictional account of the first time that this couple laid eyes on each other. These musings may make more sense if you read that story first. Just check for it in the story links that are on my profile page.

These are just vignettes about two people, how they met, how they feel, what happened between them, and perhaps a little glimpse of their family life. Many are written from Tokio's point of view, and therefore have a somewhat 'WAF' quality to them. Her husband is often thought of as 'heartless' or 'emotionless', at least in public, but I see her as being his opposite. When things are told from her perspective, this will be evident. I also see him as having a softer side, but only when it concerns his wife or children.

If you want to read what I have written about the life of Hajime and Tokio in 'sequence' here is the order. As I add chapters to Life the Saitoh Fujita Way and related one-shots, I will update the following list:

The First Time I Saw Your Face

Life the Saitoh Fujita Way Chapters 2, 3, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11

Tales in Tonami

Life the Saitoh Fujita Way Chapters 12, 4, 5, 17, 18

With Friends Like These, Who Needs Enemies

A Long Awaited Reunion

Life the Saitoh Fujita Way Chapters 6, 20, 13

Another Battle for the Wolf

Life the Saitoh Fujita Way Chapters 14, 22, 23, 24, 19, 15, 21, 16

Standard disclaimers apply. I don't own the Saitohs/Fujitas; they are an historical couple, so in my opinion, only their family should be able to own them.

Updated 9-26-2012


	2. Chapter 2 Sakura in Spring

**30 Romances Theme: **Random flower: Sakura Blossom**  
****  
**Years later, Saitoh remembers the circumstances where he first saw Tokio alone.

(Note: This is based on a first meeting of these two characters, which was posted as "The First Time I Saw Your Face." This is Saitoh's remembrance of what happened later the same day.)

Sakura in Spring

She brought a bento for me today. She often does. But today she brought it to the park, where I am on duty. Thousands of people have come here today to view the sakura blossoms; that is why extra officers were assigned here. Ueno Park is a popular place, but it is not the only place famous for its sakura blossoms.

No, this is not the only place. My mind takes me back to another time and another place, which was also very popular for its magnificent display of pink blooms. But that was before the war decimated most of the trees outside the castle wall.

It was later in the day on the first day I ever saw her. She was secretary to Matsudaira Katamori's sister, Teruhime. It was my first day in Aizu and I was required to attend an audience at court. She was there, sitting demurely behind her princess, watching me out of the corner of her eye. She didn't realize that I knew that she was looking at me. I never told her until years later. Not much escapes my gaze. She eventually learned that quite quickly.

The usual polite introductions ensued. Her name meant nothing to me at the time; I only remembered it because her father was an important retainer of Matsudaira's, who made financial contributions that allowed our group to survive.

After I left court that morning I went straight to where my men were encamped to be sure that proper arrangements were made for supplies and that the troops were settling in an orderly manner.

Having tended to my duties, I needed to return to the castle. That afternoon a breeze came up and I was walking back in what was literally a swirling storm of sukura blossoms. Petals that had been ripped from their places were sent floating to the hard earth below. It is a wondrous sight to see. It looks like pink snow, and covers the ground as thoroughly as any fall of icy flakes. I am not one for sentimentality, but even I took notice of nature's display that day.

It was then that I saw her approaching me. She told me much later that she was out for a walk to enjoy the blooms. She is like that. She loves flowers of all kinds, but I would not know that for quite some time.

Before I passed her, she stopped to bow and greet me. It was merely a, "Good afternoon, Captain." My reply was as short and in kind. "Likewise, Takagi-san," I replied to her with a nod of my head. She was not required to even give me a passing glance, but she did, greeting me as well.

It would be the first of many times that we would greet each other in passing, while I was stationed in Aizu. But that was the first time. It was also the first time I ever saw her alone. The memory of the blossoms swirling about her as she stopped to talk to me was forever etched in my mind, along with the memory of her face from that morning. From then on I would associate her with the delicate fragrance and color of the sakuras that grew along the wall of Wakumatsu Castle.

Opening my bento, I see that some of my favorites were packed today. As I eat my lunch, it is not hard to remember that other place with those other trees and the young woman who stopped to greet me that day. She may no longer be young, but that is of no consequence to me. Her beauty is not as fleeting as the blossoms were that day, and she is not as fragile as they were, either. No, she is strong and possesses a quiet inner beauty and strength that has lasted through the years. I will always be thankful that she is at my side.


	3. Chapter 3 Sakura and Cigarettes

**30 Romances Theme:** Perfume-Strange Smell

A once unpleasant smell may become more fragrant as time passes.

Sakura and Cigarettes

Sakura in the spring. I have always loved the sights and smells. The trees are so full of blossoms heavily laden with scent. They are like clouds reflecting the pink of the rising sun. It only takes a slight breeze to initiate a flurry of petals drifting through the air like snowflakes in a winter storm. Instead of icy pieces that sting bare skin, they are cool, but soft as they brush your face with a pleasant caress.

Their fragrance reminds me of a time long ago. Maybe that is why I wear it, to remind myself of that day. It was the day I started on my journey towards my life's final destiny. It was the day I first saw him. It is not that I would ever forget that day, or that time in my life. But to be enveloped in the scent of that day is a comfort to me.

It is said that one never misses what one does not know. That is so true. I was alone then, but I did not feel like I was alone. That is because in those days I did not know what it was like to be so close to someone that you actually feel as if you are a part of them. Now it often feels like there are no longer two of us, but one.

I smile to myself as I think of him, and the scent that permeates his clothing and skin. Oh how I hated it when I first smelled it. It was so strange to me. I wondered how anyone could stand to subject themselves to that habit, and the swirling smoke that saturates everything it touches, leaving such a pungent odor.

They say that opposites attract. He is tall; I am short. He is gruff; I am not. He acts as though he has no heart; I wear my compassion on my sleeve. And I cannot think of two more opposing scents than cigarettes and sakura.

We may seem like opposites on the surface, and we are in ways that are not significant. But our beliefs, loyalties, and what we consider important are the same. It could be no other way. Many people question what I saw in him that I would agree to marry him. It was our similarities, not our differences that made me realize that he was the one.

Staring into my cup of tea, as I sit in our kitchen, I hear the shoji slide open and soon after catch the faint fragrance that tells me he is home. Yes, now it is a fragrance to me, his fragrance. Over the years I have grown used to it, just as the two of us have grown closer together, often seeming that we are one.


	4. Chapter 4 Against the Odds

**30 Romances Theme:** Mission Impossible/Possible

Will the desire of the heart ever become a reality?

Against the Odds

I left Tonami for Edo the year he married her. I could not bear to stay with the Kurasawas while the two of them lived nearby. Seeing them together, not being able to avoid them, would have been more than I could bear at the time. I had already become attracted to him, while he lived in our household that year.

At the time I could not say if the feelings between us were mutual. He is so stoic and masks his emotions so well. But he owed the Kurasawas and the Uenos a lot. They helped him re-establish himself after the war and exile. Looking back, I truly doubt that he needed their help. He is so capable on his own. I shake my head at the thought. He does everything by himself, in his own way. He always has.

He married Yaso, a woman of samurai lineage, because he felt obligated. It was a matter of her inheritance passing to someone else. Her father put it in his will. If she was not married, she would receive nothing, everything passing to his younger brother, her uncle. She needed to be married for a period of time, also, in order to secure the inheritance permanently.

Of course we knew her. She was a neighbor. She stayed with the Uenos, who were the adoptive parents of our sponsor, Kurasawa Hiejieumon, my eventual adoptive father. She had no one left at the time: no father, no brother, no sister and brother-in-law. She would have literally been out on the street, a horrible way for any woman to have to survive. Hajime could not let something like that happen to someone he knew and respected. That is why he agreed to Kurasawa-san's request.

She and I knew each other, as all neighbors do, but I did not know her well enough to be close to her. I did not want to be, especially after the talk started, especially after the planning started. Hajime is compassionate in his own way. Marrying her and staying with her for almost three years was a way for him to show his gratitude towards the family he lived with. They were my adoptive parents, and it pained me that they did not choose him as a match for me. But they desired him to do a favor for their close family, the Uenos. Maybe they did not think that he was a worthy match for me. The future would show that he was that and much more.

I remember the day I left for Edo, the great pain that had settled in my heart. They had married some months before. I bowed politely to both of them, as was expected when bidding someone farewell. When I moved to stand again, my eyes caught his briefly. I know she did not see the look that I gave him. It was one of unrequited feelings with all of the great sorrow that goes with that.

I only learned after I married him, that he felt as much pain as I. He rarely expresses his feelings in words, but he made a point of telling me that. Usually there is no need for words between us, since his actions speak clearly and louder than any words ever could. How he feels towards me is fully revealed in how he treats me and what he does for me, and our children.

He stayed with her for the time required to permanently secure her future; and then, his duty fulfilled, he came to Edo to marry me. Matsudaira Katamori knew that his marital obligations would soon be completed. Through his sister, Teruhime, he learned of my feelings for the third captain. She was my lady, and I was her secretary for many years before the Boshin War. There were no secrets between the two of us.

I know that she shared my feelings with her brother. I learned later, that Hajime had approached Katamori as well. As the end of his marital obligation drew near, he went to our former Daimyo to ask for his help to arrange a marriage to me. He did not know how lucky he was that I was not taken. After I moved to Edo there were many who approached me to try to win both my heart and my hand. But I never responded to any of them, because of an amber-eyed man, who had stolen my heart years before.

Secretly, I hoped that he might feel the same as I. I knew his obligation to her had a time limit, but I did not know whether it would turn into something more, causing him to stay with her as her husband. I later learned that he did not even fulfill his husbandly duties to her. In his mind he could not afford the risk. He did not want any children to give him a reason to remain with her. He may not have wanted her for his wife, but he would never have allowed any children of his to be in anyone's care but his own.

He is so focused, and once he makes up his mind, nothing can deter him. He made up his mind about me, before he even linked his life with hers, knowing what he intended to do when his time of obligation was completed. If it were not for doing the favor for the Uenos and Kurasawas, I would have been the one he married that day in August 1871.

All of that is behind us now, and has been for years. I only think about it sometimes. I am so thankful that my fate was eventually linked to his. I smile to myself, when I think about how he is never deterred from his goals, regardless of how long it takes.


	5. Chapter 5 An Attempt to Entrap

**30 Romances Theme:** Trickery

As a favor to a patron, Hajime agreed to a temporary marriage; nothing permanent must come from this.

An Attempt to Entrap

Here I am. Married to one woman, when my desire is to be with someone else. 'Hajime, I am cold,' she says, trying to find an excuse to get me into her bed. She knows this marriage is just for her convenience, so she can secure her inheritance. She knows I agreed to it only because I owed my patrons a favor. Yet she keeps at it.

"Then wear your woolen kimono, Yaso," I retort to the woman on the other futon. If we weren't living in only one room at the Ueno's, I wouldn't even be sleeping in the same place as she is. I have no desire to be bound to her in any way, yet she tries her best to entice me. She has even stooped so low as to try to ply me with sake.

A child would complicate matters. I would never leave one alone in her care. A child would mean that I would have to remain with this woman for a number of years. It is best to make certain nothing like that happens. Resisting her advances is tiresome. By now she should realize that I am a man of conviction and nothing she says or does is going to get me to grace her bed.

Tiredness overcomes me, the physical labor of the day leaving aching muscles in its wake. Everything in Tonomai is hard earned: a place to live, the food on the table, and the right to be with someone you care for. Before I sleep the image of a face appears before me. Sometimes I see her walking through the sakura petals on the first day we met. At other times I see the pained look on her face, the day she came to say good-bye to us before leaving for Tokyo.

The steady breathing coming from the other side of the room tells me that Yaso will finally leave me in peace tonight. I want children, but not with her. My children will be borne by another. Just one more year and my obligation to this sham of a marriage will be finished. Then I will follow my destiny to Tokyo.


	6. Chapter 6 First Night

**30 Romances Theme:** Thrill

Good things can come to those who wait.

First Night

As my finger trails down her cheek, I realize how long I have waited for this time when I could be with the woman standing before me. Knowing that this moment would be mine one day is the only thing that kept me single-minded while I was married to Yaso.

Tokio does not hold my values against me, but shares them with me. She knows that I am loyal and fair-minded. My marriage to Yaso, an obligation I needed to fulfill, hurt her in ways that I cannot fully understand, even though I try. That is the way it is with women. A man rarely has a chance to understand their minds or their hearts.

She knows that I remained faithful to her, even though I was married to another. I did not want children binding me to that other woman after my obligation to her was completed. I knew that my destiny was with the girl I first saw at court in Aizu, not with the person I married as a favor to my mentors.

Slipping my arms around Tokio's waist, drawing her close, I lay a soft kiss at the base of her neck before I gently claim her lips with mine. Her body is warm and the faint scent of sakura reminds me of the first day that I saw her. She is my wife now, and soon it will not be in name only. I will be gentle with her, and take my time. I want this first time to be so good for her that she will eagerly look forward to the next.

Sinking to the futon together, I slowly loosen the fancy tie in her obi. As the layers of fabric slip away, I no longer have to ignore the ache in my heart. It is no longer there.


	7. Chapter 7 What Is She Doing Here?

**30 Romances Theme:** Soooo not funny!

Prior to the outbreak of war in Aizu city, Saitoh Hajime is asked to help train a group of women, including Tokio, who will help defend the castle when the need arises.

"The third captain should have known better than to insult a lady."

What is She Doing Here?  


They were a group of women called the Joushitai who had banded together to help defend Aizu castle in case a full-scale war broke out around its walls. At the time I was sure it would, I just didn't know when.

After I came back from the Shirakawa district, Matsudaira asked me if I would help them train. I was the ranking Shinsengumi officer there at the time. My reputation was no secret. I agreed reluctantly. My view of where women belonged did not include the battlefield, unless that is what someone wanted to call a futon.

To say that I was surprised to see her there was an understatement. She was introduced to me when I first arrived in town, as Teru-hime's secretary, and looked the part, more than she looked like a naganata wielding warrior. But there she was, lined up with the other girls on the first day of practice.

Before I left for a few weeks on that assignment, she and I had encountered each other as we conducted business inside the castle compound. We did exchange greetings, and even a few words, mostly about our respective duties, but she never mentioned that her duties included anything like this.

The fact that this woman took even a small part of my thoughts irritated me at the time. I had more important things to think about than the female members of the population. Not that I didn't give my attention to them on occasion; I was like any other young man.

I walked down the line, inspecting the weapons they held. Some were suitable; others were in dire need of repair. Those would be sent to our smithy after the day's session was finished. If these girls were to have any chance at all to defend themselves, or others, they would need sturdy weapons that wouldn't fall apart on the first blow landed.

When I got to her, I couldn't help myself. "What are you doing here? I thought you were Teru-sama's scribe," I spit out rather roughly with a hint of disgust in my voice, as I leaned closer to her, examining her naganata. Her build was too slight, and her features to delicate to be a believable soldier.

However, I was smart enough to keep my voice low so that she was my only audience. That bothered me, too. Why should I care whether anyone else heard my remarks to her?

She just scowled at me; I won't say that I didn't deserve it. I was surprised to find that her weapon was in the best condition of any of the girl's. I should have known then that she wasn't just any ordinary girl.

Inspections finished, I gave them my lecture about safety, and defense techniques. Tomorrow we would start practicing those things. When they could do those well enough, instruction on attack stances would follow. I occasionally glanced in her direction while I talked, smirking when I noticed that the scowl had not left her face.

Seeing that I could get a rise out of her amused me. Why it did, I will never know. I should have known better. Later, I could only surmise that I was bothered that she, of all people, would be putting herself in danger. Maybe I felt a subconscious need to protect her in some way, even then, when I barely knew her.


	8. Chapter 8 Disappointment

**30Romances Theme:** Flame

This is Tokio's side of an encounter she had with the third captain a month or so after first meeting him in Aizu.

"Being Condemned Without Cause is Unacceptable."

Disappointment  


How dare he talk to me like that! I was well trained by my father in the naganata arts, and I do not appreciate his remarks. I can feel that my face is a burning flame, and it is not from embarrassment. No, it is from anger. Narrowing my eyes in response, I imagine that I have a most unpleasant look on my face, one not becoming the lady that I am.

I am quite aware of exactly who he is. Shinsengumi captain or not, he has no cause to say those things to me. Right now he is acting like an arrogant male. For some reason, that disappoints me. I thought he might be different. Reality hits me when I admit to myself that all men are still men at their core, regardless of how they may act at times, and most men resent a woman of strong conviction and ability.

He does not know me, and he has not given me a chance to prove myself, yet he insinuates that I am incompetent. Why did he say that to me? How can he make that assumption based only on what little he knows about me? Not only did my father train me, but all of us had instruction from Teruhime's personal sensei, Akaoka Dainosuke.

Before today, our encounters had been nothing but pleasant, even a bit enjoyable. But now I wonder why I even gave him a second glance or thought. But the fact is, I did give him an extra thought, a lot of extra thoughts, ever since the first day I saw him at court.

Now I am disgusted with myself for being so...So what? So trusting, so hopeful? What did I really expect from a Wolf of Mibu during a time of war? Certainly not romance. I bite my lip at that thought and stand a little straighter and taller.

I am just a foolish young woman. I have never let my life revolve around a man, and this is no time to change that attitude. I just stand a little taller and straighter, eyes focused to the front, listening to him drone on about safety and defense techniques, talking as if this was the first time that we had ever heard the information he was telling us. Of course, it wasn't.


	9. Chapter 9 Second Thoughts

**30 Romances Theme:** Analysis

Saitoh analyzes his training encounter with Tokio.

"Thinking before you speak is always the best course of action."

Second Thoughts  
.  
Standing against the wall with my arms folded across my chest, I think about what just happened a short time ago. Today was spent practicing safety and defense with the Joushitai, both things that could keep them alive. Briefly, I reviewed what I said yesterday, hoping that some of them would remember. I had no way of knowing what to expect on the second day of training when I made the girls do what I had explained to them the day before.

I called the first one out of line and used her to demonstrate my technique. I could tell she understood some of what I said, and that she had some prior training. Her moves were not bad, but not that good, either. I corrected her stance and her response to my advances, when needed. Once she started to breathe heavily, I sent her back to the line. I would need to find some way to build up their stamina, if this girl was any indication of the shape the rest were in. Having them walk up the stairs to the castle tower twice a day should solve the problem.

My second opponent would be the Takagi girl. From the determined look on her face, I assumed that she had not forgotten what I said to her the day before. At first we merely circled each other, like a couple of beasts judging their prey. I made the first move, but she met me blow for blow, the sharp cracking sounds of our weapons lingering in the courtyard. The girl's eyes were like two pieces of steel, as she locked them with mine.

Her stature and speed allowed her to dart in close, and my ribs eventually felt the blunt end of her staff. Now it was her turn to smirk at me, and she didn't hesitate. I severely underestimated this girl, this woman. That was my first mistake. Didn't Katamori mention she was the daughter of one of his samurai retainers?

It is common for daughters of those families to be trained. They need to be. When the head of the household is serving their daimyo, someone has to defend the rest of the family and the servants. Letting out a sigh, I wince as the movement of my diaphragm reminds me of the indignity suffered by my ribs today. They aren't broken, but they are very bruised and sore. My second mistake was to question her ability. I won't do that again. I have no doubt that she could have broken a couple of my ribs, if she had wanted to.

She is short, agile and moves quickly, all qualities that would help her hold her own against a larger, stronger opponent. They are also qualities that would serve her well in other pursuits. I close my eyes briefly, clench my jaw, and push those 'other pursuits' completely from my mind. I have to be out of my mind to even let thoughts like that slip into my consciousness in the first place.

"You did well," I told her. That was all she got out of me today. I am not used to making mistakes.


	10. Chp 10 The Road to Respect Can Be Rocky

**30 Romances Theme:** Aces

Tokio walks away from the training session where she managed to land a blow on the wolf.

"I only wanted to get your attention."

The Road to Respect Can Be Rocky

Walking away from the training session, I try not to gloat. It is not in my nature. What I did today, needed doing. I took no joy from doing it, especially in front of all of my comrades, but he left me no choice because of what he said to me yesterday. I am not foolish enough to think that I could really best him physically, ever again, because I couldn't. He underestimated me today, that was my 'ace', the only reason I was successful. I know that will never happen again.

I feel like I am his mental and emotional equal, and for some reason I wanted him to see me that way. I can be strong in those areas. What I did on the training field was only done to get his attention. I do not know why I seem to crave his respect, but I do.

I hardly know him. We only met a month or two ago and we had only brief contact before Matsudaira arranged these training sessions. Women may be weaker than men from the standpoint of physical prowess, but they can have great strength of will, and determination. If it were not for women and their will to survive, humankind could not survive for it is the women who bear and care for the children.

Men. As I shake my head, a little smile graces my lips. It will be very interesting to see how he treats me and speaks to me from this day forward. I will be quiet and obedient during all future lessons, and just demonstrate what he asks without trying to purposely best him. I know that I wouldn't be able to, even if I tried. My face will remain an emotionless mask to him when I see him in public. I will only send him a slight smile if I encounter him when there are no others around.


	11. Chapter 11 Memories

**30 Romances Theme:** Memories

Saitoh remembers an incident that happened before he and Tokio were married.

"To Underestimate a Woman's Strength of Character is a Mistake."

Memories

  
Taking one last drag on my cigarette, I crush it out in the dish on my desk before I look beyond the pile of files and out the window. The sun is setting on this winter afternoon, and I will never finish this paperwork before I need to return home to my wife and children.

Ah, my wife. She is a strong-willed woman. She had to be to marry me. I was mildly attracted to her even when I first became acquainted with her during the spring before the siege on Aizu castle. I always knew I would marry, but I did not expect to find a woman who was my equal, at least in intellect and will. I only discovered that about Tokio, when I insulted her ability and judged her unfairly.

Most women would have cowered, not questioning what I said. But not her. She only got the best of me the next day, because I deemed her to be like the rest of her kind. The fact, that she could even strike a lucky blow, caused me to take intense notice of her.

Here was a woman who would not stand for being belittled, or underestimated. She wanted my respect. Now I just laugh and shake my head when I think of that day. Oh how my ribs hurt to remind me of my foolish indiscretion towards her. That was the day that I learned my first lesson about her. Never tell her that she is not capable of doing something she wants to do. She will prove you wrong every time.

She knows she lacks physical strength and she only bested me that day, because I underestimated her will and determination. During life's hardships in Tonami, those qualities served her well. In that environment it was a matter of survival. Only those with a strong character were able to scratch out a living in that cold, barren place. But Tonami was the place where we came to really know and appreciate each other.

She had to be strong of heart to wait for me all those years. How could she know my intention towards her when I married another, even though that marriage was born out of a sense of debt to my patrons and their family?

Glancing back to the window, I see that darkness spread over the city while I was lost in my memories. Cold has settled in my office. This stack of papers will be here tomorrow. When I was young, my job and my duty to my country came before all else. Now my family occupies more than an equal place. There are others who can defend Japan, granted not as well as I, but I am the only one who can defend and care for my pack, in the manner that they deserve.

Pushing back my chair, I stand and take my jacket off the hook by the door, slipping my cigarette pack in the pocket. The click of the lock signals the end of this part of my daily life, and the beginning of the rest, the part that is most valuable to me. It is not only a warm bowl of soba that waits for me at home, but the devotion of a family, my family.


	12. Chapter 12 A Cruel Turn of Events

**30 Romances Theme:** Diabolical

Saitoh Hajime tells Takagi Tokio that he will marry another woman.

"In the matter of the heart, there is no hope today."

A Cruel Turn of Events

Now that the talk is over and the decision made, someone needs to tell her about Yaso before the planning starts in earnest. I want her to hear it from me. It won't be any easier for her, but I think it is the best way.

I need to tell her away from the house, when no one else is around, someplace where she can come to terms with her feelings. When I see her leave the building, heading across the yard and out to the vegetable patch, basket in hand, I make my move, catching up to her quickly. "Takagi-san, may I have a word with you?"

I stop in my tracks when I hear his voice. Takagi-san? The way he addresses me causes my chest to clench. I thought we were past that. He has called me Tokio-san for months. Turning in the direction of his voice I reply hesitantly, "Yes, Hajime-san, what is it?"

I want to touch her, to hold her in an embrace to try to cushion the impact that I expect my words to have. Only a blind man would not have seen that this woman has at least some feeling for me. I have been very careful not to let her know that the feeling is mutual. I couldn't. It would only make what I am going to have to do that much harder, and it is hard enough already. Let her think that her affections are one sided. That will be less painful for her.

Almost as soon as I arrived in Tonami to live in the Kurasawa household, Hiejieumon-san started to hint about Yaso's situation, and how he wished to help his adoptive parents insure a secure future for their charge. At the time I had the sinking feeling he shared this with me because I figured in his plans. He knew I owed him. My instinct was right; I did figure in his plans in a major way.

"You have heard the talk," I begin, "About Shinoda Yaso and myself." Tokio's body tenses as the words slip from my mouth. Yaso's inheritance will not be secure unless she marries and stays married for almost three years. I was the only suitable prospect.

I owe my life to Kurasawa Hiejieumon. As a member of the losing side in the Boshin War, I was incarcerated and scheduled to be among those chosen for a token execution. Punish some of the bastards as an example; that is what they wanted to do. Show anyone else who might dare, what the new government will do to those who defy it.

The only reason I found myself transferred to the group being sent to exile, was the intervention of Kurasawa-san. He had influence with the local officials, and he exercised it as a favor to an old friend of his, who was also an old friend of mine, Matsudaira Katamori.

That is how I found myself living in the Kurasawa household in Tonami, working at any job I was assigned, and being totally in his debt for my life. How could I refuse any request that he might make, if it didn't conflict with my personal code of honor?

That is how I came to be in this garden, trying to tell the woman I have come to love, that I am a match for someone else, namely Shinoda-san.

"The decision has been made," I tell her. "Yaso and I will be married in August."

As soon as I hear his words, I turn away. I cannot face him. I do not want him to see the tears that I am fighting to control. They would make him wonder. I doubt he knows of my feelings toward him. "I understand," I say softly. But I do not really understand. If he is going to marry, why can't it be to me? I have heard of Shinoda-san's unfortunate situation. Why does he have to be the one to solve her problems?

She turns from me and I reach toward her to touch her arm, only to have her flinch away from me. That is to be expected, considering what I just told her. My hand drops back to my side, and I slowly take my leave. She will stay here alone with her thoughts, harvesting what she needs for the next meal, trying to make some sense out of her life.

In turn, I will try to make some sense out of my life, and perhaps begin to plan for a future after my marriage to Yaso has ended. Because it will end.


	13. Chapter 13 Then There Were Three

**30Romances Theme:** Emotions

A birth is a very precious time in the life of a family.

Then There Were Three  


The birth hadn't been particularly difficult, but it wasn't easy, either. As the contractions rolled through my body with their sensations of almost unbearable pain, I was determined not to cry out. I could hardly believe that something could hurt so much.

Through it all, he kept a stoic face. Even though his face may have been an emotionless mask, his eyes told me a completely different story. In my pain, as I desperately clutched one of his hands, I would fix my gaze in his direction. That is when I saw the aching sadness in his eyes. Eyes that told me that he knew there was nothing that he could do to ease my suffering. He tried though, by gently wiping my forehead and face with a cloth he rung out in cool water.

As the hours rolled by, the contractions only came more frequently and with greater force until it was time for me to rid myself of what dwelt within me for all these months. This time with each rolling pain I tried to get my aching muscles to do what had to be done.

Pushing, then relaxing between the vice-like sensations that gripped my lower region, finally produced results. With one final effort a reddish mass covered with streaks of blood and a white, greasy substance, lay between my legs in the waiting arms of the mid-wife. I really do not remember much, except looking down at him and realizing that I had given my husband his first son.

I do not know when the baby started to cry, but she wiped him off a bit before placing him belly down on my stomach. My ordeal was not over yet, but fortunately the placenta is not made of bone, and is easily molded, so with one final contraction the mass was expelled and my duty completed.

One might call it poetic, due to our family's samurai background, but it was the alcohol-cleaned blade of his wakizashi that cut the cord, ushering a new life into full independence. Lying back into the futon, trying to ignore the lingering aches and the feeling of utter exhaustion, I closed my eyes.

I felt the little weight lifted from me, and opened one eye, slightly, to see him being wrapped in a blanket and placed in his father's waiting arms for the first time. Then the mid-wife left the room, leaving the three of us alone to contemplate what had just happened, and how our lives had changed forever in a matter of hours.

It was then that I saw it, through my almost closed eye. A softer look graced his face. It was not much, but it was there, as his lips slightly curved into the smallest of smiles. I wanted to reach out and touch him, but I didn't. He needed this private time with his son.

In a low, slightly raspy voice he spoke. "You are Tsutomu," he said. "It means 'worker,' and I expect you to fulfill our family's destiny by working to give our country a better future.

I know he thinks that I am sleeping. I will not spoil that for him by saying anything. I smile inwardly, as I feel myself drift off to a much-needed rest, as the two most important men in my life begin their journey as father and son.

Author's Notes: Some people might think that it is out of character for Saitou to show outward emotion under any circumstances. I see the former 'wolf of mibu' as a man who is totally devoted to his pack, making sure that they are safe and well taken care of.

I tried to think of situations, where he might show a bit of emotion in private. I thought of two instances, the death of his wife, and the birth of his first son, both of which would be very emotional times in a person's life. He predeceased his wife, so that just left the birth option.

In her 1891 book, Japanese Girls and Women, Alice Mabel Bacon notes that the father usually named the child.

Fujita Tsutomu, the first-born son of the Fujitas, was in the military and served on the ship, Mikawa Maru, in the Russo-Japanese War of 1904-05, so he did serve his country in a manner similar to his father.

A samurai traditionally wore two swords, a longer one, the katana, and a short sword, the wakizashi, usually12 to 24 inches long.


	14. Chapter 14 What Will It Be This Time?

**30 Romances Theme:** Think pink

"There are matters over which we have no control."

What Will It Be This Time?

"So what's it going to be this time, Kio?" I ask her. She only rolls her eyes, as I give her one of my sly smirks. "You know my kendo team needs another member."

This is my second time. I know that my husband would love to have another son, but I think that a daughter is certainly in order. I suspect that he knows how I feel, that is why he is taking the opportunity to tease me about it. I smile when I think about his sense of humor. He is not known for it, but he does have one. It may be wry, but it does exist.

As much as I love him, he can be aggravating at times. He knows as well as I, that I have no control over the gender of this child, yet he tries to needle me about it. "I think that Tsutomu will be fine on his own. You barely have time to give him instruction, much less add another student to your dojo," I shoot back.

Sighing, I think of how hard he works. I know he would like to spend more time at home with us, but his job is so consuming that he often just can't. It is not fair of me to bring up something that he has little control over, and the activities of the criminal element in this town keep him very busy, busier than both of us would like.

"Hajime, you know as well as I do that you will have another kendo student regardless of whether it is a girl or boy," I tell him with a twinkle in my eye.

I do not respond to her statement. I do not have to. She knows it is true. My wife is a wonderful mother. I had no doubt that she would be. She is an educated woman who fully devotes herself to her responsibilities. She knows as well as I, that the children are the future of our country.

Even a daughter should know how to defend herself. The naganata and bow were the weapons of choice, when my wife was a young daughter of a samurai family. They are not practical now. A good wooden bokken is quite sufficient. I hate the thought of having to train a daughter of mine in how to use a pistol. They are such a barbaric weapon, and cause too much collateral damage.

My husband's silence only confirms what I said. Girl or boy, the child will know how to hold and use a bokken. If a have a girl, she will also be well versed in the home arts, things like cooking, cleaning, running a household and raising children. She will not miss out on academics, either. Girls as well as boys need to be well educated in languages, history, mathematics and classic literature. That is why it takes so long to educate a child properly.

Dressing a little boy in hakama and gi is certainly not as much fun as choosing the fabric for a little girl's kimono and obi. But I fear for girls in our society. It is often their place to merely be property. That is why marriage to just the right man is so important. Hajime and I would choose wisely for her, but not force her to be with someone who she did not feel she could grow close to. We will take as much care in choosing someone for Tsutomu, as well.

Moving to sit near her, I slide one hand around her shoulders, while my other hand drifts gently down her swelling mid-section. I softly kiss the top of her head. This birth may not be easy, either, but I will be there for her as I was before.

Leaning into him, I reach up and grasp the hand that drifts down my belly. Holding it in mine is a great comfort to me, as is the man to whom it belongs.


	15. Chapter 15 Pins and Needles

**30 Romances Theme:** Pins and Needles

Squirming boys need a father's reminder. "A wife always appreciates her husband's help."

Pins and Needles

"Hold still Tsutomu," I admonish my oldest son. "How am I ever going to make this fit if you keep moving around?" Boys. Absolutely impossible to control. This one has a mind of his own, just like his father.

Two amber eyes at least glance in my direction to let me know that he heard me. He knows better than to glare at me.

"But mother, I do not need a new hakama. My old one is fine," I say muttering to myself. Maybe if I had a sister instead of a little brother, she would leave me alone and spend her time sewing kimono.

"Yes, your old hakama is fine for rolling in the dirt and climbing trees," I answer with understanding, as I use some of the western-style straight pins to hold the fabric in place. "But it is not fine for going to Nagakura-san's for dinner," I continue.

Nagakura Shinpachi is an old friend of Hajime's from his Shinsengumi days. The two of them try to keep in touch the best they can, in spite of their very busy lives. We usually share a meal with Shinpachi-san's family once or twice a year. This time we are going to their home. I am glad that I get along so well with his wife. It makes it easy to endure the hours that our husbands spend talking about old times and current politics.

If I can get this child of mine to let me make the adjustments, it will not take my needle and I long to finish the stitching that needs to be done. I may sew quickly, but not as quickly as those machines from the west that I see being sold in some shops. What are they called again? Treadle sewing machines I believe.

My thoughts are cut short when the shoji slides open. Looking in that direction, I know that those were my husband's footsteps that I heard coming down our hallway.

"What's the matter?" I ask with a steel-edged voice. I heard the commotion. My boys need to obey their mother as quickly and completely as they obey me. If they don't, there will be consequences. When Tsutomu glances in my direction, our eyes lock briefly. It is just enough time for the command sent by mine to be received by his, which are a shade more amber than mine.

Tsutomu has a sheepish look on his face, as I hear him apologize and tell Tokio that he will be still. Quietly, I leave the room. My back to my son, I can now spare a smirk that he won't see. Peace will reign in my home, at least for now.

Hiding a smile, I continue with what I was doing, as my son shows me nothing but cooperation. I often marvel at how good my husband is with the boys. I really should not be surprised. He did command troops during the bakumatsu, and he now supervises many officers in his precinct. "There, I am finished. Thank you for being so patient; you are excused after you change out of this, and watch out for the pins," I warn.

"Yes, mother," I reply with a bow before going to my room to get this thing off of me. I won't even tell her she doesn't need to remind me about the pins; that would only bring father back here and I know, next time, he won't just give me that look of his. He would probably make me clean the dojo floor twice.

I remember about those pins from the last time she made me do this. Just thinking about the sharp poking they gave me makes me wrinkle my nose. This time I'm gonna be very careful when I take this thing off.


	16. Chapter 16 The Disagreement

**30 Romances Theme:** Take a Hint

"Mothers should not interfere."

The Disagreement**  
**

"Tokioko, have the good sense to just leave the girl alone," I let out with a bit of exasperation in my voice. My wife rarely manages to rankle me, but this time her prodding has gone too far.

Luckily for the two of us, her persistent actions have not been directed towards me, but towards one of the poor girls under her supervision at the Normal School dormitory. I know as well as she does that our oldest, Tsutomu, needs to take a wife, but this is not the way to handle it.

"But Hajime," I blurt out before realizing that I had better let the matter drop for now. The warning in his tone of voice did not escape me. I turn away from him, frowning. Midori would be a perfect match for Tsutomu. The only problem is, that she does not know that yet, and all my attempts to convince her have been fruitless. I have tried all of the approaches from subtle to telling her outright that I think she should marry my son.

Having known her during her years at school, I can tell that her temperament would not only tolerate my oldest, but also gain his cooperation and respect. In addition to that, she is well educated in literature, the sciences, mathematics, and home arts. She will be an efficient household manager, and an excellent teacher for her children. I also think that the compassionate nature she shows her schoolmates will serve her well when she is a mother.

Nothing seems to work. She will not even agree to a supervised meeting with him. I even suggested having dinner at one of the better restaurants with her parents, Hajime, and me in attendance. It would have been just a simple dinner; she would not have even had to sit by him. Hajime and her father could have engaged him in conversation. All she would have had to do was sit and listen. That would have been all that was necessary for her to evaluate him.

She has a stubborn streak as wide as my son's, which is one of the reasons that I think they would make a good match. He needs a wife who can hold her own and not be pushed around, not that my son is a bully, because he is not, but he does have a mind of his own much like his father. I guess that is why I want her for his wife, because she is so like I was when I was her age.

I am sure that Tokio turned away from me, so I would not see the expression on her face. She has no desire to further provoke me with one of those 'looks' of hers. "Midori is a smart girl. She can decide on her own if she wants to meet Tsutomu," I emphasize. I do not need to repeat what I said to her at the beginning of this discussion; I know she was listening to me the first time I said it.

I suspect that my wife's continual prodding is the actual obstacle in the way of this match. People like to make their own decisions. She of all people should remember that. Closing the distance between us with a step, I slip my arms around her waist, as I lean down to whisper in her ear, "Give her time. She will come around."

I let out a sigh, and then relax at my husband's touch. "You are right, Hajime," as you always are, but I am not going to voice that last sentiment out loud. I do not have to. He knows.

Author's Notes: The real-life Fujita Tokio was a dorm mother at Tokyo Women's Normal School. She very probably taught classes in the home arts. According to the Shinsengumi-no-makoto website, Nashino Midori studied science at the Tokyo Women's Higher Normal School while she boarded with the Fujitas. It is said that Tokio liked her at once and made repeated requests to Midori's family to have her marry Tsutomu, the Fujita's oldest son.

Midori and Tsutomu married after she graduated. They had seven children, one of whom died young. She took care of her father-in-law, Fujita Goro, when he was dying in 1915. Before Tsutomu died in 1956 she wrote down the Fujita family history. Since their first child was born in 1909, Midori and Tsutomu were likely married for almost 50 years.

As you can see, my piece of fiction departs from history in that it has Midori living in a dormitory, and not at the Fujita home, where she would have met Tsutomu as soon as she arrived.

In her later life Tokio was known as Tokioko.


	17. Chapter 17 Searching for a Lady

**30Romances Theme: **Search

Saitoh Hajime sent a note to his old friend, Matsudaira Katamori, asking him if he knew the whereabouts of Takagi Tokio, who was the former secretary of Katamori's sister. These are Katamori's thoughts about the note he received from Saitoh.

Searching for a Lady

I had to laugh as I read his note. It is short and to the point, just as he always was in the old days. If he only knew, what I know about her. Fortunately for me, my sister Teru is quite the chatterbox, at least when it concerns her friend and former secretary, Takagi-san. I do not even want to think about how many men have approached me, during the last three years, to broker a marriage to her on their behalf. She has turned down each and every one of them without a second thought.

Sometimes I think it is very foolish of her to waste what are usually considered to be the best years of a woman's life. She is not getting any younger, and who knew whether that moron would really leave the situation, that he felt forced into, due to Kurasawa's intervention at my request. As far as I am concerned, he took that 'owing a debt of life' thing a bit too far. He should have married Tokio, not that gold-digger, Yaso.

But single minded and stubborn he is to a fault. Aku Soku Zan, slay evil immediately, uphold your code of honor. I guess that is why I have admired him for all of these years. He is a man who refuses to compromise his values. I can't help but unfold his letter, and read it again.

_Katamori-sempai,_

_I am looking for someone who used to board with Kurasawa-san in Tonami several years ago. Her name is Takagi Tokio; she was your sister's former secretary. Any information that you could give me concerning her whereabouts would be useful._

_Saitoh_

Ah Hajime-kun! I can only guess what business you might have with Tokio-san. Whatever it is, you had better hurry, because one of these days she is going to give in and marry one of those suitors. My sister doesn't seem to think so, but what do women really know?


	18. C 18 Old Friends Can Still Be Irritating

**30Romances: **Anvil/Banter

This is Matsudaira Katamori's response to Saitoh Hajime's enquiry about Takagi Tokio. Chapter 17, Life the Saitou Fujita Way. Tokio was secretary to Katamori's sister, Teru, before and during the Boshin War.

"The Search Was Short"

Old Friends Can Still Be Irritating

I feel like somebody just hit me in the stomach with an anvil. Katamori is nothing but a moron; the idiot hasn't changed a bit since the Boshin War. Always trying his best to get under my skin and often succeeding. However, I would never give him the satisfaction of knowing that. The frown on my face deepens to a scowl as I light another cigarette, and draw in some of the soothing smoke before I reread his reply to my inquiry.

_Ah, Hajime-kun, how nice to hear from you!_

_You are in luck my friend! My sister has been keeping company with Takagi-san ever since she relocated here from Tonami. Rarely a day goes by when there isn't some contact between the two of them. You know how women love to visit with one another!_

_That woman has kept me more than busy. I would say that, during the last three years, half of the eligible bachelors in Tokyo have made a path to my door, imploring me to broker a marriage between them, and the fair object of their affections. She would be quite the catch for one of them, and in my opinion it is only a matter of time before she gives in and consents to accept one of the proposals. _

_She is intelligent, sweet, and has enough physical beauty to turn a man's head. Of course, I do not have to tell you these things. If I remember correctly, both of you lived under the Kurasawa's roof before you married that Shinoda woman._

_I took the liberty of asking Teru-sama, if Takagi-san ever mentioned you in conversation. Three years is a long time. For all I knew, she had totally forgotten you, but my sister says that her friend does remember you and has, on occasion, even mentioned you. I think the two of them like to reminisce about the time they spent at Aizu castle before the war started. The story about the day Takagi-san landed a lucky blow to a Shinsengumi captain during a training session is always worth retelling!_

_Well, my friend. It was a wonderful surprise to hear from you. If you ever get to Tokyo, don't hesitate to look me up. We can share old times over a flask of saki. They do have some good breweries here. Perhaps not as good as the ones in Kyoto in the old days, but still good enough to quench a man's thirst._

_Katamori_

Hell. My 'friend', my eye. I won't be reading this again. Crumbling the paper into a ball, I throw it into the kitchen fire. My ties to Yaso are not yet cut. It will be another month or two before I will be free to travel to Tokyo to do some investigating of my own. If that idiot knows what's good for him, he will stay out of my way when I get there.

Author's Note: To see what happened, as a result of this letter from Katamori and Saitoh's original request, Chapter 17 - "Searching for a Lady", Life the Saitoh Fujita Way, please see my one-shots, With Friends Like This, Who Needs Enemies? and A Long Awaited Reunion , that are posted here on ffnet. I was originally going to post them as the next chapters in this series of 30 Romance ficlets, but decided to post them as a stand-alones. But as I said, if you want 'the rest of the story', now is the time to go read both of them in that order, if you haven't already!

Speaking of Katamori, snicker, he sure knows how to irritate the wolf!


	19. Chapter 19 He Is Preparing to Leave

**30 Romances Theme:** Stay - Bury

He is Preparing to Leave, I Can See the Signs

Disclaimer:This is an historical couple. I do not own them. No one should be able to claim them but their family members.

The wolf's wife can tell that he is getting ready to leave on another mission.

"I know that you will be leaving soon"

I see that you are getting ready for another assignment. You do not have to tell me because I know the signs. You lay everything out yourself, the extra shirts and pants, and of course, another pair of your white gloves.

You will only take one jacket and hat, leaving the only extra you have of each at home. I wonder if you want me to bury you in them, if only your body returns to me. I push that thought out of my mind as quickly as it enters. This is not the time to be thinking things like that. There is never a time to think such thoughts; I will not allow it.

Somehow preparing what you need without my help, reminds you of your Shinsengumi days and gets you into the right mind set for the fight that is surely to come. I am certain that is what it must be. After years of living with you that is my only conclusion.

I will not ask you to stay, although I sometimes have to bite my lip to keep the word from slipping out of my mouth. I know it is shameful of me to even think about making that request of you.

Sighing, I know that I must remain silent about this. As your wife, I have no choice, and I know better than to try to sway you with either my words, or my touch. It would do no good in the end, and only build a silent wall between us. A wall separating us is not what I want.

We both know that your duty to Japan comes before the two of us. As you walk down the front hallway to leave the house, you will quietly slide open the shoji to the boy's room for one last look, as you always do. You probably know that I watch you, but I never say a word.

Padding into the kitchen, I think about what to send with you. You barely take the time to eat, when you are gone. Yes, I notice that, because I can feel the thinness of your body when you come home. What I wrap for you to take today will not last you long, but it gives me a sense of doing something, anything, to help you with your mission. It is only a foolish notion from a woman who is always left behind.

Your work is a part of your life that I cannot really share, and I knew that before I married you. Just as long as you come home, I can bear it. If I told you that, it would only earn me one of your smirks, telling me how I worry without cause, because you always come home. Yes, you have always come home. That is the truth that I hold to my heart.


	20. Chapter 20 It's Only a Name

**30 Romances Theme: **Cry Craven

It's Only a Name

"It is only a name, Tokio"

"I know, but …"

Giving her a flat look, I cut her off, "You know why this has to be." I have no need to explain it to her. She knows.

I merely nod to my husband. Now I am a Fujita, not a Saitoh. Of course he was born a Yamaguchi, so it is no wonder that he just brushes this off. I was always a Takagi before I married him.

I look away from him. Nothing seems to stay the same. But the name, Saitoh, has so much attached to it. I shake my head, knowing very well that what is attached to that name is precisely why it needed changing. But that name is so much a part of him and the values he still shoulders.

I give my wife a look. She knows this is Meiji now, and I am an employee of Meiji. Saitoh is left over from the old era, from my Shinsengumi days. There is no need to bring old enemies down upon us. My new line of work will create enough of those.

They may call me Fujita now, but what I continue to stand for will always identify me with my old name, Saitoh.


	21. Chapter 21 Those Cold Winter Nights!

**30 Romances Theme:** Cold feet

Tokio is trying to get to sleep without much success

Disclaimer: I don't own the Saitoh's; they are an historical couple, so in my opinion, only their family should be able to own them. The Rurouni Kenshin versioon of Saitou Hajime is owned by Watsuki, et. al.

Those Cold Winter Nights**  
****  
**

The downside of my husband being a police officer is that he is often on duty during the night, investigating some crime or doing surveillance of some criminal. Most of the year, this is not much of a problem for me, besides the fact that I miss his company and would rather have him here beside me on the futon.

During the spring, summer, or fall, it is only a matter of my heart missing him. But during the winter it is an entirely different story. I have never been one to be warm when I sleep. Even in the spring and fall, I usually wear my heavier sleeping yukata, only changing into my lighter ones during the worst heat of the summer.

In the winter I often wear another yukata under my woolen one. That helps me feel not too chilled, and almost keep comfortable, when Hajime is not home to help warm our bed. My husband is tall and lean, but he radiates an unbelievable amount of heat when he sleeps. I do not know why, and it really does not matter. That thought makes me smile. I rarely feel cold in bed, when he is beside me.

That thought also results in a frown on my face. It is now winter. I am in bed. Alone. And my feet are freezing cold. It makes no difference that I wore some very thick, warm tabi to bed. No, it makes no difference at all. As I try to rub one of my feet along the side of my other leg in an attempt to generate some heat, I realize that there is only one thing that will help them retrieve their warmth. Rather, there is only one person who can help me with that, my radiant heater of a husband.

Feeling quite sorry for myself, I almost do not hear the shoji to our room open and then close. The quiet footsteps are barely discernable. I smirk to myself as I think about how very quiet he can be. The rustle of clothing tells me that my problem will soon be solved. I sigh in pleasant anticipation.

It is not long before the comforter lifts and a very warm body slides in beside me. Ah. My feet snake closer to the warmth as an arm slips around my waist drawing me closer to the source of the heat. Content, I lift my head a bit to lay a gentle kiss on his cheek. Hm. As my feet begin to warm, I drift slowly off to much needed sleep.


	22. Chapter 22 Helpful Husband

This little bit was written for the 'Janitor' topic of '30 Romances'.

* * * *

THERE IS NO BETTER HUSBAND THAN A HELPFUL HUSBAND

Ah pregnancy. It is the only time in my life when my wolf of a husband takes the scrub brush from my hands and gets down on his knees to scrub my kitchen floor for me. Of course he waits until our toddler is sound asleep, napping, oblivious of what his father is doing. I don't blame Hajime. I certainly do not want him to be seen by anyone, not even by his firstborn son, doing anything that might tarnish his stellar reputation of being a cold, calculating cop. A bit of amusement flashes through my eyes at that thought.

From where I sit, mending Tsutomu's small hakama, I keep watch on the courtyard gate. If anyone should appear, I will immediately let my husband know that company has arrived, giving him enough time to recompose himself to his usual persona. He has never actually told me that he has no desire to let the world know there is another side to him, but I know him well enough to have figured that out on my own.

I have to smile to myself. I am the only person on this earth, besides our son, to whom he shows a kind and gentle side. His face has never once shown me the distain it often holds for others. I am thankful for this consideration. I knew about the softer aspect of his personality before we married. If he hadn't revealed it to me, I doubt I would have married him.

Shortly after I met him, I noticed he treated me differently than he treated others. Most of the time it was when we were alone. However, he was always civil towards me when we were around others, too. It wasn't that he treated me better than anyone else while we were in public, but it was that he treated me with a type of noncommittal neutrality, neither unkind, nor showing me any special attention.

As he works his way across my kitchen floor, I am careful not to let him see that I am discreetly stealing glances at him while I stitch. I have always loved to watch him work, to see the strength in his shoulders and the determination in his eyes, regardless of the task at hand. He has always taken good care of Tsutomu and I. His job calls him away from home often, but he always manages to find a trusted subordinate officer to stop by everyday to see if I need help with the heavier tasks while he is away, tasks such as refilling the woodshed with split firewood or digging the burdock that grows in our garden.

I am brought from my thoughts by the sound of him standing. He wrings out the cloth in the bucket for one last time before he picks it up to empty outside. As he leaves the kitchen he looks at me, sending me one of his trademark smirks and giving me a little wink. He must have caught me staring at him. Again. My cheeks flush with a bit of pink before I look back at my mending. He should be flattered that after so many years of marriage I still want to check him out. Truthfully, I still find him very attractive, even more so than before.

It is only after Hajime exits the kitchen door and heads for the backyard that I allow my lips curve into a wide grin. He is all mine. How I managed to be so lucky, I will never know.


	23. Chapter 23 Third Time's a Charm

Illegitimi (aka Buffalocatz) gave me another good idea for a glimpse into the dynamics of the Wolf's family, namely his thoughts about his wife's pregnancy. I expect that younger readers will not be able to relate to this piece, but those of you who are older may have 'been there, done that', or least been close to someone who has. Thanks again, Illegitimi, for kicking my muse into action.

This was written at the end of January 2010. Before I could post it another author posted some material about Tokio's pregnancy, etc. Any similarities between what she wrote and what I wrote are purely coincidental. There are so few S/T fics out there that I find it amazing that two authors, independent of each other, tackled the pregnancy scenario at the same time.

Will the Third Time Be a Charm?

As much as I care for, yes, even love my wife, I don't think that I will ever be able to completely cope with the rigors of the woman's pregnancy. This is the third time for us, and I sincerely doubt that it will be a 'charm' as stated in that idiotic western idiom. Give me an old fashioned battlefield any day. At least then I would have a fighting chance to retain my sanity, not to mention my dignity.

I rub my hand over my eyes as I sit on the engawa, contemplating my future, or rather the state of things around our household for the next nine months. Tokio just told me that she is pregnant again, and I don't think that all the cigarettes in the world could calm my nerves at the moment. The memories of her last two pregnancies are still too fresh in my mind.

It's not that I don't want more children, because I do. My two boys are the reason why I work so hard to keep Japan a safe place to live. We are raising them to be a credit to their generation and to carry on our ideals when I am no longer able. Having more children is not the issue; the issue is how to keep my wife a woman, who is a delight to live with, until the baby is born. My normally calm, even-tempered, energetic, non-complaining spouse becomes something quite different during the many months she is with child.

For the first two months she is continually nauseous, her stomach refusing almost everything that it is offered, especially the first thing in the morning. During this time she gives me pleading looks, her eyes asking me to do something, anything to help her. Other than making her some of that special tea from the apothecary, and letting her stay mournfully curled on our futon, while I ride herd on our two boys for her, there really isn't much I can do. Needless to say this is very frustrating for me. I'm the type of man who always finds a satisfying solution to each and every dilemma I face, not to mention that it is very difficult to watch one's wife suffer, and not be able to help her. Even one of Mibu's best can't always twist the laws of nature to save those important to him from discomfort.

At this point I try to give her a hand with our children. It's not that I'm adverse to bathing and feeding them, because I'm not. They are smart enough to behave for me, so getting them scrubbed, rinsed and into and out of the furo is no problem. I only need to give them one look to let them know that splashing water out of the tub and onto the floor of our bathhouse is not a wise choice for them to make. I don't even hold it against them that they tire of the soba I prepare for them when their mother feels too ill to look at food much less prepare it.

As soon as her stomach calms, Tokio goes through a phase where she suffers from continual exhaustion, and can barely drag herself from our futon to carry out even the most minimal of her household tasks. At least at this point in her pregnancy she is no longer prone to ridding herself of the contents of her gut at every turn.

However, it is at this stage that she does the unthinkable and asks me to stop by the market to pick up a few supplies on my way home from work. Normally, this is not something that I would do, but she is so pathetically tired that I must grant her this small favor or feel like a totally callous moron. After all, she did not get pregnant on her own, so some sacrifice on my part is only fair.

I have also been known to scrub the kitchen floor for her at this stage, but I would never admit that in public, since I have no desire to be thought of as having a soft spot, not even for my wife. She also has quite the penchant to curl up by my side and take a nap whenever I am home, reminding me of an oversized house cat. Usually, she is quite industrious and spends her waking time efficiently performing all manner of household chores, but not during the first part of her pregnancy.

Fortunately for me, there is a bit of a respite when she reaches the middle of her ordeal. After her third month she seems to slowly regain her energy and return to her normal level of activity. Thankfully, she even resumes her normal trips to the market. Her swelling mid-section is a source of pride for her and she delights in feeling the new life moving within her. I can't say that it bothers me, when she randomly grabs my hand to press it to her belly, so I can feel the action, too. Since she refrains from doing this in public, and only does it in the privacy of our home, I can indulge her in this activity.

However, there is another small problem which chooses to surface. During this time, she is prone to random emotional outbursts which are impossible to predict, and even harder to control. At times she can be almost shrewish and completely illogical. This is quite out of character for her, and she would never act this way when she is her normal, non-pregnant self. I have heard other men remark that this is fairly typical of a woman, who is expecting, so this temporary condition does not bother me…much.

As the months grind on, she frets over one thing or another, usually things that only bothered her when she was pregnant the last time. This always tests my nerves, making me long for the day of birth when she will once again become the sensible woman whom I married… except for that short bout of normal postpartum business that plagues all females about six weeks after birthing.

During her last three months, she again tires easily. As the infant grows within her, she eventually loses her agility becoming off balance due the heavy weight she carries in front. Her feet swell and she has a general feeling of sluggishness. Finally in her ninth month, toward the end of my ordeal, her activity level actually seems to reach a point of frenzy for a short time. This is such an amazing contrast to the first several months. However, I have to admit that her unnatural nervous energy at this stage almost drives me crazy. She insists on laundering all the linens and every scrap of clothing in our house, as if she was doing a spring cleaning, and she scrubs every nook and cranny at least twice a day, or so it seems. But I am still designated to floor duty lest she bring on an early labor by being down on her hands and knees scrub brush in hand with her swollen belly practically dragging the floor.

Speaking of an early labor, by the end of the eight month she never misses an opportunity to express how much she desires for the child to arrive before its due date, the sooner the better as far as she is concerned. (This sort of reminds me of how I felt about getting out of the infirmary after that gunshot wound back in the Seinen War.) By this time I truly share her desire for an early birth. I am thankful that I gave up drinking sake many years ago. If I hadn't, I doubt that I would have a sober moment until after the birth.

Then there are her random cravings for certain types of food, which send me back to the infernal market much too often for my liking, and always seem to happen after I settle down for a bit of rest in the evening. It's during this time, that I need to keep reminding myself what a good wife she will again become once this nightmare is over.

Her antics, while she is expecting, often bring a smirk to my lips, but I have to be very careful to hide the look on my face from her, since it is not something she appreciates, nor tolerates as she might when she's not pregnant. I go to great lengths not to ruffle her feathers during this time, since I want peace to reign in my household, and I have no desire to share a futon with one of my boys. I also learned during her first pregnancy that making any comments whatsoever about her changing body shape is a mistake that one only makes once. This also includes remarks meant to compliment an expectant mother. Tokio has no wish to hear how glowing she looks as her midsection continues swelling. She refuses to believe me when I tell her she looks very appealing to me, as if I would lie to her.

Then there is the labor itself, something I choose not to dwell on at the moment. Although there is no way I can physically share her pain, other than letting her almost squeeze my fingers off as she grasps my hand with a vice-like grip during the height of each contraction, I do experience a degree of mental anguish during the birthing process. Tokio insists that I be present for her entire labor and delivery even though there is nothing I can do but faithfully stay by her side and try to offer her comfort by my presence alone. She reasons that since I was there at the beginning for the conception, I need to follow through with what I started and be there at the end for the birth. There is nothing like witnessing the anguish of a woman in labor to make a man _almost_ feel guilty for getting her pregnant in the first place.

As if I don't have enough on my mind already, there is also the issue of what type of child this one will be. I've been very fortunate in the past, as my wife has presented me with a boy each time. If that is the case this time, I have nothing to worry about. However, if she births a girl, something that is a distinct possibility, I have the feeling that my life will change in ways that I can't even imagine at this point.

I truly do not know how I would manage a daughter. Having one woman in my household is enough of a challenge for me, as it is, that I don't even want to consider what having two of them conspiring against me might be like. And women do flock together to plot against men. Thanks to my mother and my sister, Katsu, I learned that fact early in life. My brother, Hiroaki, and I often figured prominently in the scheming of those two.

Frowning, I realize that a girl would need to be skilled in the matter of personal defense. Being a male, I know what is in the minds of young bucks when they spot an unattached, good looking member of the fairer sex, and I have no doubt that any daughter of ours would be at least as attractive as her mother.

Since her brothers and I could not possibly protect her from unwanted advances every minute of the day, she would need to know how to do that herself. I am sure that Tokio would agree to some sort of training for any daughter we might have. These days training a girl to use a naginata is not practical. I suppose some training with a bokken would be useful, but I don't think that many females would agree to carry one strapped to their obi as they made their way around town. The most practical thing for a woman is to be skilled in the art of hand-to-hand combat. Many a large oaf has been bested by a smaller man, who has been expertly trained. The same could be true of a woman who was properly schooled in the martial arts.

Thinking of finding her a proper husband is giving me a headache, and the child is not even born yet, much less of marriageable age. Would there be anyone who could pass my muster? I sincerely doubt it. This line of thinking only causes murderous ideas to invade my mind, which are not at all appropriate when contemplating the birth of a child. The practical matter is that I should not even think about the implications of having a daughter until it actually happens, and the odds are equal that this baby will be another boy. I push all thoughts of a daughter out of my mind and force myself to return to planning strategies for surviving my wife's third pregnancy.

I am still trying to convince myself that the next nine months will not, and cannot be as challenging to my mental stamina, as were the last two times she was expecting, when I hear soft footsteps approach from behind. Slim, warm arms soon encircle my neck, and I feel a light kiss on my cheek. What she will go through is only normal for a woman in her condition. I will survive this nine month trial, as I survived the other two, keeping my frustrations in check, if only for her sake. Sighing, I know that in the end it will all be worth it, just as it was the last two times.

Author's Note:

The Fujita's third son, Tatsuo, was born in 1886. He was adopted by the Numazawa family, cousin's of Tokio's, since they had no heirs. The boy did not know that Hajime and Tokio were his birth parents until an aunt revealed this to him when he was in college. It is said that Tokio wrote to him shortly before Hajime's death.

I have partially written a chapter dealing with what the wolf thinks about one of his boys being raised by another family. Hopefully, I will eventually finish it and post it.

A furo is a Japanese style tub that looks like a tube.

When Tokio goes into a cleaning frenzy close to the end of her pregnancy, it is her 'nesting' instinct kicking in.

I tried to squeeze in the main pregnancy related cliché situations into this little bit.


	24. Chapter 24 Difficult Decisions

Difficult Decisions

I pull her close to me with one hand, while my other hand soothingly strokes her hair. I'm not even sure she really wants to do this. She may consider it her duty to her family. This is our third son. It's not my place to ask why some families are blessed more than others. That's just the way of things.

My wife is often more compassionate than is good for her. For some reason, she can't bear to see others suffer, especially if they are her blood relatives, and the Numazawas are her blood relatives, through her mother's older sister.

This business started even before Tatsuo was born. Each time Kachiro and Kuni came by the house for a visit, they dropped little hints here and there. I knew immediately what they were up to, but my lovely wife, as sharp minded as she is, took a little longer to catch on. Either that or she knew exactly what they were up to from the very beginning, and just refused to acknowledge it. Knowing Tokio as I do, I'd have to say that the latter is more likely.

Right now all I can do is stand here and hold her, while she sorts through her inner turmoil.

The boy won't leave until he is fully weaned which means we'll have him until he is around a year old. That will be very hard on my wife; I know she will form a strong attachment to the child. With her nature she could do nothing else; she has always been an excellent mother. There will most likely be contact with him after we turn him over. I don't see how we can avoid it. They are my wife's family, the only ones surviving besides Morinusuke and that herd of his. Of course Tatsuo will only know us as cousins of his family. When he finally leaves us, if Tokio lets him go, he will be young enough to form other attachments and not remember the people he once called 'mama' and 'papa'. That thought almost causes me to wince.

I have to admit that even for me this is going to be hard. He is my own flesh and blood, and watching another person instruct him in the ways of life will not be easy for me, because no one could do that better than I could. But I will not have the chance. I will only be a witness to how his adoptive parents handle it, while trying to keep my mouth shut.

Undoubtedly, there will be a time or two when I will drop some sort of crack about the job they are doing with the child, who should be my son in more ways than just by birth. He should be mine to raise as I see fit. That is only my nature, something which I can't deny and can barely control at times.

Sighing, I realize that had I walked in their shoes with no son or daughter to carry on my family, I would most likely have done exactly the same thing as they did, if I had a relative blessed with a houseful of boys. Deep down I already know that Tokio will go through with this adoption, and it is something that I can't deny her.

It isn't as if the Numazawas did this on purpose. They couldn't help it that the terror during the end of the Bakumatsu took all other family members, leaving only one remaining to try to rebuild their family. It was no one's fault that the only person surviving is not able to conceive a child. If Tokio's blood relative had been the husband of this family line, he could have easily found some woman to produce an heir for him. But Tokio's cousin is the wife of this couple, the last of her family line. The fact that Tokio's cousin just happens to be a female with a possessive husband who would kill her before letting her be impregnated by anyone else, even if it would be to produce an heir, complicates things greatly. Perhaps she is the one who is barren, but it could be her husband's fault that a child has yet to come from this union. All these thoughts are giving me another headache, time to light up and get some relief, but not until this woman I'm holding is ready to leave the comfort of my arms.

"Are you sure about this, Tokio?" I whisper to her. She only nods her head. I am reminded that once my wife makes up her mind, literally nothing, and no one can change it. Anyone who foolishly thinks that I'm stubborn has not met my wife. Gently pushing her away from me so I can look into those soft brown eyes of hers, I tell her, "There is no turning back, once we've decided."

She looks directly at me, as if to judge my true feelings about this before softly responding, "I know." It's hard, but I manage to keep the stoic, not committal look on my face. This decision will be hers alone. I can always give her another child, if she so desires.

I draw her back into a light embrace, kissing the top of her head, as she continues to talk, "If the circumstances were reversed, I know that….they would do the same for us."

That may be true, but it gives me little comfort at the moment.

*

My mind runs in so many directions at once as I stand in our kitchen folded in Hajime's embrace. Kuni lost both her parents and all of her siblings during the course of the Boshin War. At least I had Morinusuke, now I have Hajime and my three boys. I've been thrice blessed, but she has nothing. The man she married agreed to take her name so her family line could continue, since many members of his family survived the war. She even married before I did, but for some reason, she and her husband were never blessed with children. Only Kami knows why she never conceived.

She and I were so close growing up, as close as any sisters even though we were just cousins. It might have been because she is very near my age, so we had a lot in common. Who am I do deny her happiness in her life and in her old age? It was only luck that I am where I am with a dependable husband and children who will watch over Hajime and me, as we grow old together.

*

At times like this I truly I wish that I could read my wife's thoughts. At least Tokio has enough consideration of me not to tell her relatives, yes, without my blessing, and I have yet to give my permission for all this business. Then again, when have I ever denied Tokio anything that she has wanted? Not often. She rarely makes requests for herself, preferring to defer to me. But she knows that I would never make a decision that would cause her harm or anguish. Funny how two people come together as strangers, but eventually work together, seemingly with one mind and one heart. Gads, I have to be getting old to be thinking like this. I shake my head. It's not the first time that I've contemplated the things that a good woman can do to a man.

Author's Notes:

For the purpose of this fic, Tokio's cousin was the wife of the couple. In real-life the husband (Numazawa Kohachiro) was her cousin.

In Japanese culture a man could marry into a family and take their surname as his family name. This most often happened when the wife was the last of her family line, and particularly if that family line had significance. Pages 103 to 107 of Alice Mabel Bacon's 1891 book, Japanese Girls and Women, have a good discussion of this practice.

The following information came from the shinsengumi-no-makoto dot net backslash saito underscore hajime dot htm website.

The Fujita's youngest son, Tatsuo, was born on July 1, 1886. Even before he was born Tokio's cousin, Numazawa Kohachiro (Kachiro), asked to adopt the child. His mother, Michiko, was Tokio's mother's older sister. His wife, Kuni, could not have children, and thus the family was in danger of extinction. That is why the Fujitas allowed the Numazawas to adopt their son.

The boy was known as Numazawa Tatsuo. He didn't know he was adopted, but while in college asked a relative (another source said it was an aunt) about his birth. It is said that he was upset when he learned the truth. It appears that he did have contact with his birth parents afterward. (Another source mentions that Tokio wrote to him near the end of Goro's life, when Goro became ill.) Tatsuo married a woman named, Tazu, and they had a daughter, Eiko. The Numazawas were an important family in Aizu. They had been clan elders prior to the Boshin War.


End file.
